An often-asked question when working with mentalization is whether you can mentalize too much. In the book “Mating in captivity – Unlocking erotic Intelligence” and in this TED Talk, Ester Perel argues that when it comes to mentalization sometimes intimacy, security and trust can be a direct contrast to mentalization. She is, however, in a touchingly manner able to mentalize the couples she works with while showing how the relationship needs a lot of mentalization. The book is a classic when it comes to relationship, and a part of its charm is that the reader, holding Ester Perel’s hand, is invited into different relationships, bedrooms and fantasies. She succeeds as a writer in showing that there is an infinite number of ways to visit these arenas while still normalizing and acknowledging all of them.